I'll be seeing you....

Few precious days remain in Amherst before Thanksgiving break, and the end of this semester. To me that means the end of first semester, sophomore year. It's crazy to think that I'm almost half way done with college. As most people have one or two concrete emotions concerning their progress at school, I don't know how I feel about leaving here and beginning life. I have regrets about college that bother me every day. I don't put the effort into my schoolwork that it deserves and I haven't since Mrs. Connery's class in 5th grade when I got a C+ because of a week of missed school; I was never absent up until that point, I think I had bronchitis. After I got that one C, I stopped caring. To me, high-school was a joke. I liked Jazz Band, and eventually came to love Chorus even if chorus didn't love me.
Coming to college was a blow to the head. I realized as soon as I stepped into Grinnel Arena that I wasn't the drummer that people had been telling me I was for years. I'm a better drummer now, but I still lack experience. I need to get some time in doing serious exercises out of a book. Listening is going to become very important too, I just need to find the time for all of this.
Freshman years was a rush of blood to the head. I found joy in independence that I had always held close to me, was amplified. From step one, I overloaded myself, took too many risks, and too many credits. Some of the risks paid off, I am not playing bass guitar for the Minuteman Marching Band, and MASS Marimba Band II. I love playing with educated musicians, there is nothing like it.
Today Russ told me that he still looks up to me the way he did when he was in 9th grade after I confessed to having little actual talent as a musician beyond confidence. He will never know how much that means to me. I sat down with the new Wild Theory a couple weeks ago and they are good, really good. Russ and Ben are the greatest pockets of talent in the band; they lack experience, but in time they will see what what they need to do to grow as musicians. All they need is more exposure to talented groups of musicians like themselves. I don't remember the new pianist's name, but he is a breath of fresh air for the band. This kid knows his stuff, and he doesn't try to derail practices and gigs. I met the bassist during a substitute teaching position at the school. I choose to reserve judgment on him for now. Ryan Peterson is a good kid and a talented musician, It's in his blood.
I am stressed physically and emotionally, but I cope. I am calm and there is some structure to the way I work that I vaguely recognize.

I am sane in my insanity.

Now playing: Bright Eyes - Soon You Will Be Leaving...
via FoxyTunes